MY QUIPS ON BEING NORMAL
Being normal is boring, so I decided to be myself! I hate it when Spell Checker puts that red line under the word you just typed. It just confuses me that much more. If it looks right it probably is. Just cause there’s a red line underneath the word doesn’t mean it’s spelled wrong, It means that Spell checker is guessing just like me. And when you right-click the word, this little box comes up that says ignore. You bet I will cause I had it spelled right in the first place. So there! There is nothing wrong with Farting in an Elevator, I just haven’t figure out when is the best time to do it is. I hate it when someone enters the elevator that you’re in and squints up their nose and gives you that Sherlock Holmes look. I must look guilty, so I bow my head were I should have looked tall and said” Ain’t that sweet one?” Where has it all gone Blanch? Remember that Commercial? Boy, that still fits into today’s society and our way of thinking. How about “I can’t believe I ate the whole thing”. How many people do you see every day that fit into that mold. ( no pun intended). How about the Women who blows her horn at a shopping cart rolling across the parking lot. The guy who checks his zipper when he exits his car. “What the hell were you doing in there? the women who always checks her hair each time she walks by a window. The young man looking at an older car at a car show and asked Why does it have two brake pedals? I like looking at the Murphy s Law list. I’ve done or had each and every one of them happen in my life. I think the catholic Church should come up with a Murphy’s Law List for the Ten Commandments. I’m sure they would get a lot more converts. I believe in using seat belts, but reaching around to get yours and then trying to find the device that you connect to down in the cavity of the seat scares me at what else is down there. At 73 I consider myself pretty flexible, I mean I do exercise and I still can touch my toes but old age has put limits on what you can do and can’t do. Like reaching around your body to a point 8 inches behind you to grab the male end of the buckle on a seat belt than pull it across your body to a point far below where you’re seated to engage its Female counterpart. Have you ever made Love in the back seat of a 49 Ford Coupe? The preparation is far more exhausting than the act. Then having to repeat the process in reverse especially if it’s too damn cold to get out of the car. You know what I’m talking about. Hey! I’m old, I can and will complain. Elderly people are not a factor when come to designing new automobiles. They make us bend down lower and contort our feeble bodies in such a manner to enter an automobile that once were in, there’s not a whole hell of a lot we can do. It’s like the Garlic press. Some time ago I wrote about the Human Ass and I think that article needs to be reopened and examined again “LARGE” February 22, 2013, which I will do again later this Winter.
These are a few of my observations of life.