138 rue de bonheur

Everything Happens for a Reason

$17,000.00 Helicopter Ride

I’ve always had a above average tolerance for pain and the pain of having a Heart Attack was unbelievable! But, the pain of someone ripping out your chest hair was excruciating!!!!  Upon arrival at the ER the Nurses applied these sticky Cardiac pads to your chest, 3 to be exact. Well as they were getting me ready for the Life Flight to Toledo Hospital the Flight Nurse realized that the pads that were on me were not compatible with the equipment onboard the Helicopter to monitor my vitals. So she proceeds to rip them off my chest to apply ones that were compatible with their equipment. OUCH, OUCH and OUCH. DAMN Girl, that hurts!!!! “Oh, Sorry” she says as she gives me this Mona Lisa smile. “Bitch” I thought. She enjoyed doing that!  Being wheeled out to the Helicopter I thought about the last time I rode on a Helicopter. That was back in 1967 in Vietnam. Back then Helicopter weren’t known for there smoothness of flight, in fact, they were down right uncomfortable to ride in. I imagine they have made some improvements since then. WRONG! They inserted me thru the rear of the Chopper and secured me to the inside bulkhead. I was plastered against the side, secured with several belts, I had a window to my right slightly above my head which I could not look out of. There was some sort of electrical receiver/Monitor above my head that I could literally touch with my tongue, The Cute Blond Nurse who enjoyed pulling of my Sticky Pads was tight against my left side, the other Male Nurse and the Pilot must be up front in the First class section of this craft as I never did see them. It was so tight and close inside that Helicopter that if one of us Farted, something or someone would have to be thrown overboard to make room for the gas that was omitted!

Riding in a Helicopter has not changed in 40 years! They are the noisiest, Bounciest, hardest riding Aircraft you can be in. It feels like your riding down a plank road is the only way I can describe it. It took about 20 Minutes to get to Toledo Hospital from Memorial Hospital in Fremont and upon arrival and after being extradited from this flying sarcophagus, I was wheeled down several ramps and into the Hospital and then down numerous hallways to a very small room and transferred to a table where several nurses began removing all the cables and intravenous tubes from me that were applied before my flight here, oh, guess what, the sticky pads that flight crew stuck on me,,,,,, they weren’t compatible with the Toledo Hospital Cardiac Monitors, so off they came, I swear the staff there at The Hospital and even the Blonde Flight nurse drew straws as who got the job of ripping off the old pads from my now almost completely bald chest as I screamed in tumultuous pain and cussed every one of them and they all gave me that “Oh, I’m Sorry” while deep down inside there Florence Nightingale Mind, A smirk of satisfaction exited the corners of their mouth. After answering a few dozen more questions and receiving several more shots and additional fluids feed into my stints I was rolled out of this room and down which seemed an extremely long series of hallways and into an Elevator that I believe they use in one of the scenes from the Blues Brothers when they were in Chicago City Hall and it took forever to get two floors while this hideous Elevator Music played. Mean while every one kept asking me how I was doing and if I was in any pain, and I replied,”Only where you Bastards pulled off those Sticky Pads”. I reached the room where I was going to be in till after The stint was installed. It was the Cardiac intensive care unit and it was here that Kay finely caught up with me and assured me every thing was fine back home and Molly was being watched by Mat and Mindy, Our good neighbors, and my girls where notified about me having a Heart Attack. And for the record, 6 weeks later I received a copy of the billing for that ride that was submitted to Medicare  for $16.875.00 of which they paid all but $1450.00 because there was a Hospital that was closer that could have given me a Stint and treated me for my Heart Attack. I was under Promedica care and flew past a Humana facility. I paid the difference!

Next; A Day in the Life.


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